The Future is Nuts!
by MKRG
Summary: Another solar flare sends our heroes of old to the future. Witness old SG-1's reaction to Vala Mal Doran in all her glory. DV
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

**Summary**: Another solar flare sends our heroes of old to the future. Daniel can't believe that someone like Vala even exists, but Jack is out to prove that there's more to her than meets the eye. Crazy women and betting. Who would ask for more? DV

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The original four members of SG-1 found themselves in the gate room. Everything looked the same, except for the personnel.

"I do not recognize any of these people," Teal'c stated.

Daniel spun around to see all of the room's occupants. "Neither do I."

"Carter, what the hell happened?" said Jack.

"Not sure, sir." The wormhole disengaged behind them.

"Jack? What are you doing here?" a voice boomed over the microphone. The leader of SG-1 looked up to find Hank Landry in the window of the control room.

"Hank?" he said, equally confused. The general instructed the team to stay where they were as he came down. When he arrived, he eyed them suspiciously. "Jack, how did you get off-world without me knowing about it? And you, too, Dr. Jackson."

The two men in question exchanged confused looks. "I'm sorry, have we met?" Daniel asked the general.

Hank looked at him like he was crazy. He opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the activation of the stargate. They automatically moved near the door of the room so as not to be disintegrated by its characteristic kawoosh. The general sent a questioning look toward the control room. A tech announced that it was SG-3 arriving as scheduled.

Breathing a silent sigh of relief, Landry turned back to the team. "Mind explaining to me what's going on?"

"You tell me, Hank. I didn't even know you had the clearance to be in this mountain."

"What are you talking about, Jack? You're the one who gave me clearance and recommended me for this job!" He turned to Carter. "Colonel, what exactly is going on here?"

Surprised at the title, Sam stammered, "Uhh, sir, I'm actually just a major, and I am just as confused as you are."

"A major…" Hank seemed to be contemplating something.

The sound of standard-issue boots clanking on the metal ramp attracted everyone's attention. Reynolds and one of his men casually stepped down. He greeted the General and the rest of SG-1. Seeing that they were clad in BDUs and holding P-90s, he asked, "Jack, you going on one last joy ride through the gate?" He received a furrowed brow in response. Jack was less perplexed about the question than he was about Reynolds's outfit. He and his subordinate were wearing tanned rawhides for pants and jackets.

"Colonel Reynolds, I thought you said you were bringing a guest," Landry cut in.

"Yes, sir. He should be arriving any moment. Vala's wrangling him as we speak."

"Like a regular cowgirl with a lasso, too," his second-in-command added with a twinge of southern drawl.

The team caught Landry's amused smile. "And the rest of your team, gentlemen?"

"Just some friendly back-up. Though Vala can handle this all by her lonesome."

A huddled figure in the tattered uniform of the Lucian Alliance stumbled through the active wormhole. He paused near the opening, doubled-over as if in pain. A woman in nothing but black leather from head to toe stepped through. Her low-cut bodice left little to the imagination while the set of pistols at her sides left much to be feared. 

Her long leather coat swung behind as she raised her foot to swiftly kick the huddled man in the behind. He tumbled down the ramp and landed in a heap at the bottom. His groans were muffled by the loud sound of her boots on the ramp. The rest of Reynolds's team came up behind her to stare down at their "guest." They, too, were wearing tanned leather outfits.

Landry turned from the scene undisturbed to address SG-3's leader. "I take it the mission was a success."

Reynolds grinned. "Yes, sir! Blew up a nice train-load of space corn to boot."

Jack nudged Teal'c in the arm. "Space corn?" he whispered. If the Jaffa could have shrugged, he would.

"Oh General!" the female called in a sing-song voice. "I brought you a present!" Before she could register the faces of SG-1 next to him, the prisoner grabbed her ankle. She reacted quickly bringing her free boot down on his face. The two SG-team members behind her raised their zats in unison. After rolling away, the battered man looked up to see Vala's unhappy look and two weapons in his face. He let his head drop back to the floor in defeat.

"Well, she's certainly… something," Jack commented in awe.

"Yep, that she is," Reynolds replied. He clapped Daniel on the back and flashed him a knowing smile. The archaeologist found it strangely disturbing. "General, with permission, we'd like to take the prisoner to holding."

Landry nodded back. "Go ahead, son." 

Vala never took her eyes off the man at her feet, but heard the order. "Get up," she said harshly. He groaned in refusal. "I am warning you, you slimy little mongrel. Get up." He spit near her feet. The men behind her raised their weapons again. Formerly hidden by her long-coat, Vala pulled out a very large gun from her back. Aiming it at the prisoner, she warned, "Last chance before I do some damage." Not wanting to be on the receiving end of that gun, he got to his feet and began to follow Reynolds out the other door.

The rest of SG-3 and Vala, weapon still aimed, followed the man. "Vala…" She stopped in her tracks at Landry's voice, but didn't turn from her prisoner. "Try not to kill him before we're done with the interrogation," he said casually. She waved her free hand in affirmation. As they disappeared into the hall, he shook his head with a smile.

"Haannk?" Jack asked. "What was that all about?"

"That particular individual happens to have key intel about the Lucian Alliance." He then raised his hand to his mouth, as if to cover his words. Landry whispered, "Plus he made a direct threat to Dr. Jackson here. Vala was none too happy." He actually chuckled.

Daniel's mouth dropped open. The team eyed him, puzzled. Eventually, he found his voice. "I have no idea who that crazy woman is."

"Excuse me?" the general asked quickly.

Teal'c added in his baritone voice, "I have never seen her before either, and yet, she appears to be a well-respected member of this facility." He turned toward the rest of his team. "I do not believe we are in the correct place or time."

"Maybe you're right, Teal'c." Sam looked at Landry, another person she had never seen before. "Sir, we may have accidentally traveled to a different Earth than our own."

Jack slapped his face. "Oh no, not another 1969."

The realization that had eluded Hank thus far finally came. "Let me ask you all something. What year is it?"

Jack answered, "2003."

"Jack, it's 2013."

"What!"

"I think I know what's going on here. Come on, let's get you to the infirmary."


	2. Chapter 2

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

**Summary**: Another solar flare sends our heroes of old to the future. Daniel can't believe that someone like Vala even exists, but Jack is out to prove that there's more to her than meets the eye. Crazy women and betting. Who would ask for more? DV

A/N: Decided to upload two chapters (2 & 3) this time. I usually write these pieces all at once then divide them up as evenly as possible. When I reread Ch. 2 to double-check it, I felt you all deserved a little more action than that! Enjoy.

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"See? What I tell you? Another 1969!" Jack exclaimed.

The team was huddled into Dr. Bill Lee's lab. He had just confirmed that the foursome did travel forward in time. A solar flare had been recorded at the exact moment they gated in from P4X-326. "Unfortunately the Odyssey is on the other side of the galaxy. Otherwise we could have you back home in a jiffy."

"The Odyssey?" Teal'c inquired.

"Oh! Yes, that's right. Wasn't built yet in 2003. Though, I suppose I shouldn't be telling you about that. Oh dear." The awkward scientist suddenly looked distraught.

"Bill," Carter put a hand on his shoulder, "Just tell us what the Odyssey is and how it will help us get home. Be brief."

He smiled, transforming his pout into a grin. "It's a ship! Much like the Prometheus that you know, but much better. The Asgard upgrades…"

Gasping, Jack interrupted. "You mean…. they actually gave us some of their toys?" His eyes could have glazed over.

"Not just some, my dear General, all of them!"

Jack sat up straighter. "General?"

"Doh. I shouldn't have said that."

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Like Bill said, the team would not be sent back to their own time immediately. The Odyssey was quite engaged it its business on the outer edge of the galaxy. Even at maximum speed, it would not be Earth-bound for at least a week. Jack's chance to check out the Asgard upgrades was thus delayed. These same upgrades were also their ticket home.

With time on their hands, General Landry saw no harm in allowing the original SG-1 to roam the halls. He ordered the personnel not to divulge details about the goings-on of the base, lest some slip-up change the timeline dramatically. However, he seemed surprisingly at ease about the whole thing. There was something he wasn't telling them. Then again, Jack supposed, there was quite a lot that no one was telling them. If that made any sort of sense.

"I wonder where we all are," Daniel said as they roamed together.

"Why, we're right here, Dannyboy."

"Jack."

"Yes," he replied innocently.

"Sir, I'm sure he means us as in our future selves."

"I hope I'm fishing."

"Of course you do," Daniel said sarcastically. "But honestly, where _are_ we?"

"Perhaps we should pay a visit to your office, DanielJackson, and simply see if it is still yours."

"Good idea, T. Check out the ol' stomping grounds. Let's move out, people!" Jack turned on his heels in the direction of Jackson's office.

When they arrived in the open doorway, it looked about the same. There were extra artifacts and different books strewn about, plus an extra stool, but otherwise the room was unchanged. They did not immediately notice the figure hunched over with his back turned until they heard the grumbling.

The person was rifling through a drawer, hell-bent on finding something. At the sound of their footsteps he called out, "Vala, where the hell are my other glasses!"

The team exchanged surprised looks. It was unmistakable – that was Daniel's voice.

"Vala?" The older Daniel stood up taller and turned. "Oh." He seemed unperturbed that an exact copy of himself was standing in the doorway. He moved around his desk to empty out another drawer. "General Landry told me you guys were here," he said distractedly. He glanced up briefly and waved to them. "Well, come on in! I'm sure you're curious." The team obeyed his command and walked further into the small room. The younger Daniel stared at himself and cocked his head, studying him. He looked the same.

"So," Jack started casually, hands in pockets, "what's new?"

The older Daniel didn't even spare him a glance as he continued his frantic and blind search. "Oh, you know, _a lot_. Most of which I can't tell you because it would rip the fabric of space-time and all that. But, you know." A smirk befell Sam's lips.

"Uhh, yeah, uh huh."

The team was struck by this older Daniel's talent for sarcasm. It must have been the result of hanging around Jack O'Neill way too long.

Mitchell appeared in the doorway. "Hey, Jackson, you seen the Princess anywhere around here?" He waved hello to the guests.

"Nope, I was just wondering where she was myself. If you find her, tell her I'm looking for my glasses."

"Will do. See ya." The Colonel left as quickly as he came.

"Since when do Princesses have any knowledge of the location of your glasses, DanielJackson?"

"Huh?" He moved a few items aside on his desk. "Oh, that. It's just a nickname Mitchell gave her a long time ago."

"So this Vala character's been around a while?" Jack wondered.

The older Daniel finally looked up and locked eyes with his former leader. "Yeah, I guess so. Wow, I didn't even realize it's been that long." A smile played on his lips as he remembered something. The younger Dr. Jackson didn't recognize that look on himself. It was obvious that happiness had found his future self.

The phone gave off a shrill ring. "Jackson speaking… Yes… No… What?" The older man's eyes nearly bulged out. "I'll be right there!" He almost hung up before bringing the phone back to his ear. "Wait a minute. Can you ask her where my glasses are?"

Sam and Teal'c shared a look. The younger Daniel furrowed his brow. "Looks like you suffer from memory loss in your old age, Dannyboy," Jack whispered to him.

The other Daniel groaned. "Tell her they're not there. I checked!" He paused a moment as he listened to the person on the other side. "Alright, alright, I'm coming." Daniel sighed as he hung up.

"Duty calls?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," he said, running a hand through his hair, "They're afraid she's gonna kill him." He ran out of his office at lightning speed.

"Sounds like a party to me!" Jack ran off after him. His team had no choice but to follow.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

**Summary**: Another solar flare sends our heroes of old to the future. Daniel can't believe that someone like Vala even exists, but Jack is out to prove that there's more to her than meets the eye. Crazy women and betting. Who would ask for more? DV

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The five of them arrived in the holding area of the SGC. Several SFs stood around, looking unsure of how to handle their current situation. Beyond one of the half-open doors, loud yells could be heard. One SF stepped forward to meet the older Dr. Jackson.

"Sir, thanks for coming. I didn't know who else to call for back-up."

"What's the situation in there?"

"Well, the interrogation was getting nowhere until she decided to step in herself. Colonel Reynolds had no problem letting her have at it, but things kind of got out of control."

"How so?"

"He went for a coffee break, sir."

"Oh dear god."

"Yes, sir."

"I better get in there." Daniel rolled up his sleeves as if preparing himself for battle. The original members of SG-1 looked perplexed. One of the other SFs pushed the door wide open for him. Inside, they could see two SFs trying to hold back a very irate Vala. She was now wearing regular green BDUs that seemed to fit her more snugly than was standard-issue. She was doing most of the yelling. Teal'c recognized her Go'auld curses.

Daniel balled up his fear and threw it away. He rushed in and grabbed Vala from behind. With strong arms holding her in a bear hug, Daniel dragged her out of the room. She kicked and screamed the whole way. The two SFs followed them out and shut the door. They seemed quite relieved.

Daniel spun them both around so that she was no longer facing the door. With his cheek next to hers, he yelled, "Vala, calm down!" She kicked a little bit more, but did heed his order. They were both breathing heavily.

Vala took in a deep breath and tried to wiggle her way out of his grasp. He released her. Taking a small step forward, she tossed her long black hair. "I'm okay now, Darling. Thank you." And with that, she was suddenly calm and cool-headed. All of the SFs breathed a collective sigh of relief.

Daniel turned to the one in charge. "Post two guards at the door..." He leaned in to whisper, "For that prisoner's safety." The SF nodded and gave the order to his men. The rest were dismissed.

"Since when does an archaeologist give orders to an SF?" Jack mused.

"He does indeed command the respect of these men," Teal'c commented.

"Jack! What are you doing down here?" The four of them turned to see Reynolds with a cup of coffee in hand. He walked up, oblivious to the excitement.

"My dear Colonel," Vala stated as she calmly strolled past. "You'll be pleased to know that the prisoner is now ready to cooperate." With an air of confidence befitting a princess, she headed for the elevator.

"Thanks, Vala!" Reynolds called after her, genuinely pleased.

The older Daniel walked up. "Reynolds, why did you walk away and leave her unsupervised like that? She scared the SFs!"

"I did it on purpose. Oh come on, this isn't as bad as that other time!" he said a little too cheerfully. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have an interrogation to finish." Daniel watched him go before turning back in the direction of the elevator. He dropped his head to his chest.

Sam placed a hand on the older man's shoulder. "Daniel, are you… are you that woman's babysitter?" she asked hesitantly.

"Sam, you don't know the half of it." He smiled. Shaking his head, he made for the elevator.

"DanielJackson," Teal'c addressed the younger version, "What will you get yourself into?"

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"I don't know what to make of it, Sir."

"Same here, Carter. Same here."

The team was gathered in a V.I.P. room. Teal'c stood stoically by the wall. Daniel sat in a large chair with his face in his hands.

"The woman is absolutely crazy," he mumbled. His team laughed. Sam excused herself to use the washroom.

"She's also absolutely _hot_," Jack said once Sam was out of earshot. Both Teal'c and Daniel turned to him with odd looks. "What?"

"She's nuts, Jack." He sat back in the chair. "How do I ever get mixed up with a lunatic like that?"

"You're special, Daniel. You have this way with women."

"Ha ha."

Teal'c found all this quite amusing, if the smile on his face was any indication.

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A/N: Not over yet! Stay tuned...

A/N2: There's a special button right below that I really think you should click. Trust me - it's magic. :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

**Summary**: Another solar flare sends our heroes of old to the future. Daniel can't believe that someone like Vala even exists, but Jack is out to prove that there's more to her than meets the eye. Crazy women and betting. Who would ask for more? DV

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The next day…

The team wandered the halls after a mid-afternoon snack in the commissary. Since they were restricted to the base and not allowed contact with the outside world, it was all they could do. Eat and wander. And maybe occasionally work out. But the wandering part tickled Jack's fancy. People-watching happened to be one of his secret pastimes. They stuck together so as not to confuse the base personnel when it came to Dr. Jackson. It was lucky that the older Jack, Sam, and Teal'c were not around to befuddle them even more.

They eventually headed for the older Daniel's office, just to see what he was up to. They rounded the last corner before his office. Mitchell could be seen approaching from the opposite end of the hall. As soon as he caught sight of the team, he moved to head them off. "Uhh, hey there! Where are you off to, sir?"

"Daniel's office," Jack replied nonchalantly.

"Ahh, I see." Mitchell took a good look at his watch. He seemed a little worried, but was trying not to show it. "Well, uh, you know he might not be in there. Thought I heard he was in the commissary."

"Actually, no, we just came from there," the younger Daniel stated.

"Oh." He glanced at his watch again.

"Something urgent you need to do, Mitchell?" Jack questioned.

"No, sir, not at the moment. Say Teal'c! I'll bet it won't hurt for you all to watch the latest Star Wars movie! I don't think it came out yet in 2003."

The Jaffa's eyes lit up. He turned to his CO. "I suggest that we investigate, O'Neill."

After a pause, Jack shrugged. "Okay."

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The following day…

They hadn't seen the older Daniel since the incident in the holding area. Jack and Sam were anxious to ask a few harmless questions about Vala. Daniel was quite curious himself, because he wanted to know just _how_ _crazy_ his future self must be to associate with such a nutcase. The team happened to approach his office around the same time as the previous day: 3 o'clock.

Once again, Mitchell caught them before going in. He made some excuse about wanting to spar with Teal'c and test out his skills. The Jaffa was eager to show this new Colonel what he was made of. Jack shrugged and let Mitchell lead them to the gym. After a particularly brutal sparring match, the boys hit the showers.

The original SG-1 met up again in the commissary for dinner. Vala was already seated across from Mitchell. Neither noticed the foursome when they entered and sat down at a table nearby. Mitchell was laughing heartily, and Vala was throwing some food at him. They seemed to be teasing each other. The nickname "Princess" was thrown around.

"You think they're a couple?" Sam wondered.

Jack pretended to admonish her. "Now, Carter, no need to gossip here."

"I'm not gossiping, just… wondering aloud."

Teal'c offered with a smile, "Perhaps we should observe them further."

Daniel pinched the space between his eyes. "You guys are too much."

"Now now, people-watching is a sport. Teal'c's right, we should gather more intel. Be inconspicuous, people."

Jack and Sam's seats were facing the pair and thus had a clearer view. Vala and Cameron continued laughing out loud. Soon the older Daniel Jackson arrived. He sat down to join the "subjects," choosing the seat next to Vala. They easily included him in the conversation, and the trio began laughing together.

"I'm not seeing it, Carter."

"I think so, sir. They were obviously flirting earlier."

"Who was?" Daniel interjected.

"Mitchell and Vala."

"No, they weren't," Jack claimed. He watched the trio a little longer. "Now Daniel and Vala – there's something definitely there," he gossiped.

"Oh please," Sam exclaimed.

"Yeah!" Daniel added. Teal'c watched the exchange with interest.

"I'm telling you, Space Monkey, something's going on."

"Jack, I would never, and I repeat, never, _flirt_ with that woman. She's just too… too nuts!"

"You say that now…"

"Jack!"

"Fine. Why don't you put your money where your mouth is." Sam and Teal'c looked up from their food in interest.

"What? You want to bet on my future actions?"

"Yep."

"That's completely insane because I can control the outcome of this bet, but okay. How much?" Sam and Teal'c straightened.

"Depends. What are you worth?"

"Pshaw. You know damn well what I'm worth."

"Right. 5 bucks then?"

"Excuse me? Make that 50," Daniel demanded, indignant.

"You're on," Jack responded with a playful smile. He rubbed his hands together as if ready to collect his winnings already.

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A/N: More coming soon...


	5. Chapter 5

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed thus far! I appreciate all your comments and encouragement.

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The day after that…

Jack O'Neill was not a stupid man. Nor was he blind. He knew by now that Mitchell didn't want them anywhere near Daniel's office at 3 o'clock. 'Why' was still a mystery. He had every intention of investigating.

Today, the group was splitting up. He sent Teal'c and Daniel to walk the usual path toward his office. When they objected to being separated, he argued that he had to use the facilities. Sam claimed the same. Once the other two were on their way, Jack ordered Carter to head for the surveillance room and do a little "people-watching," particularly in Daniel's office. Still unsure of his intentions, and a little more than disturbed to be intruding on Daniel's privacy, she hesitantly agreed.

Jack peeked around the corner. Mitchell was right on time. He clamored for a rematch with Teal'c, and the three men went on their way. Jack snuck down the hallway and tip-toed to Daniel's door. With his ear on the cold metal, he tried to listen for any sounds. Nothing.

If only he had his radio on him. He could contact Carter and have her tell him what she saw on the feed. Oh well. He slid his card into the reader. The door opened with a soft click. He carefully and ever so slowly pushed it open, so as not to make a sound. Something was telling him to be as discreet as possible.

When he had enough room to slip through, he noticed that it was dark. Jack figured Daniel was simply not there. Meaning absolutely nothing interesting was going on. _Damn_. He flicked on the lights in disappointment.

But there they were. Daniel in his favorite chair, his back up against his desk. Vala was also in his favorite chair, straddling him. Her hands in his hair. His hands up her shirt. Their lips were locked tighter than a nut on a bolt.

"Ah ha!"

Hardly surprised, the pair separated their lips. Their hands and bodies remained where they were. Daniel and Vala turned their heads toward the offending intruder, cheek to cheek.

"Jack, do you mind?"

"What?"

"Honestly," Vala said, annoyed.

"So you do this every day?" Jack just had to know.

"Of course we do, silly. We're married!"

Jack laughed aloud in triumph. "You owe me 50 buckaroos, buddy!"

Daniel scoffed. "I don't know what you're talking about. But would you hit the lights on your way out?"

Jack was amazed. This new Daniel was not the least bit phased at being caught red-handed with a woman. In his office! Where there were security cameras! He just had to get to Carter and make a copy of the tapes. He dashed out, but not before remembering the lights.

He made a mad rush for the surveillance room. Once there, he swung open the door. The grin that could have lit up Christmas immediately turned into shock and horror. All the security monitors were black and snowy. Carter and the current airman on duty turned to see who had entered. Jack was flabbergasted. "Wha… What happened?"

"The camera system does an automatic reset everyday at 1500 hours."

"Carter, please tell me you saw what happened in there."

"Sorry, sir, the cameras have been down for a good 30 minutes." She gave him a half-smile in apology.

"They should be back up in a minute," the airmen offered. Jack stepped closer. "Ah, there we go."

One by one the screens came back to life. They showed empty hallways and personnel going about their normal, professional-looking business. "Get Dr. Jackson's office on there." The airmen looked at him funny, but complied. Once it popped up on the screen, they could see Daniel working at his desk. Vala was nowhere to be found. "What?" he said to himself.

Sam didn't see anything surprising. "What else were you expecting, sir?"

Jack pointed at the screen, momentarily speechless. "They were right there! Right there!"

She blinked. "Who?" Neither of them saw it, but the airman smirked knowingly.

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"You are a dirty rotten liar." Daniel scowled.

"In this case, Daniel, I'm a holy angel! It's the truth. I saw you with her."

"But you have no proof, sir."

"Carter!"

"Right, staying out of it, sir."

"Is that why you had us go ahead without you? So you could try to _spy_ on me… I mean, the future me?"

"No, I mean, yes! I swear, she was on top of you and your hands and her hands and…"

"Alright just stop! This is childish. And NO, I am not paying you. You didn't win squat." Daniel crossed his arms.

Jack raised his finger in protest when Teal'c jumped in, "DanielJackson is correct. Your methods for obtaining this intelligence were most unscrupulous."

"Sorry to say it, sir, but I agree with Teal'c."

Jack threw up his hands in frustration. "Ahhh! To hell with the lot o' you!"

"That's fine, Jack. But you're coming with us." Daniel smiled.

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A/N: Aww, good times. Good times.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

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The next morning…

"SG-1 report to the briefing room. _All_ SG-1 members, please report to the briefing room."

"I guess that means us, too," Daniel commented. The team stood up from their empty breakfast trays and left the commissary.

The briefing room was empty when the four of them entered. They all took their seats, respectfully leaving room for the current SG-1 closest to General Landry's chair. Mitchell was next. As expected, he sat nearest the General's seat. An unnamed major soon followed and took up the seat next to him. They each nodded to the original SG-1 in turn.

General Landry closed the door to his office and greeted the suddenly standing military officers in the room. "Please, take your seats." He took his and opened up the file folder that was waiting for him. Female laughter emanated from the spiral staircase leading to the control room. A mop of black hair ascended the stairs, followed by the other Daniel Jackson. They were holding hands.

Jack snapped his fingers and nodded his head. Sam's shocked eyes switched between them and Jack's triumphant grin. Daniel could not take his eyes off their intertwined hands. He couldn't believe himself. She was so nuts!

His older self hardly noticed the reaction. Teal'c observed that the General and the other members of SG-1 found nothing wrong with Daniel and Vala's open affection for one another. They took their seats next to each other and immediately donned professional demeanors. "Alright," Hank began, "now that we're all here, let's get started…"

"Now wait just a cotton-pickin' minute," Jack interrupted.

"Jack?" Landry asked.

The man in question turned to the younger archaeologist on his team. "I told you so."

The professional face Daniel had also tried to don quickly fell into another scowl. "This is hardly the time, Jack," he said through gritted teeth.

"May I ask what this is about?" the general asked patiently. Mitchell and his SG-1 turned toward them in interest.

The older Daniel spoke up. "I suspect, General, that it has something to do with Jack walking in on us yesterday." Vala hid a smile behind her hand.

Mitchell coughed. "At 1500 hours, sir," he clarified.

"Yes, I guessed as much, Colonel. Thank you." Turning back to the older team, he continued. "How much?"

"Excuse me?" Jack and Daniel said simultaneously. Silence followed.

A baritone voice answered for them, "50." Teal'c leaned back in his chair smiling and folded his hands.

"That's it?" the older Daniel exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"Jack, you obviously knew what was going on. And you didn't bother to squeeze more out of him than a measly 50 bucks? I'm disappointed." He shook his head dramatically.

The younger Daniel dropped his jaw. "Wha…" Sam, Mitchell, Vala, and the General laughed out loud.

Jack and his Daniel looked at each other. With a dumbfounded look, O'Neill held out his hand. Daniel reached into his pocket and pulled out a 50 bill. He placed it there numbly, not quite sure what just happened.

Vala spoke up. "Sam, go buy yourself something nice with that 50."

"Huh?" Now it was the Major's turn.

The older Daniel poked Vala in the ribs with his elbow. "Ow, what?" He glared. "Oh. Oops." She chuckled. "Guess I shouldn't have said that. Oh well, your memories will be wiped anyway."

That got SG-1's attention. Landry explained, "That's why I called you here this morning. The Odyssey arrived early. We can send you home to your own time today. Of course, anything you saw or learned here will have to be erased."

"But…" Jack tried to argue.

"Sorry, Jack, but you're going to have to wait for the future to unfold on its own."

"Yeah, no cheating," Mitchell added with a smile.

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A/N: Wait... there's more! You just have to wait. Oh come on, be patient. Yeah, I know. But you have to wait.


	7. Chapter 7

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

**Summary**: Another solar flare sends our heroes of old to the future. Daniel can't believe that someone like Vala even exists, but Jack is out to prove that there's more to her than meets the eye. Crazy women and betting. Who would ask for more? DV

A/N: This is the one fic that I never finished. I've received vehement demands over the past who-knows-how-long to wrap this up. I found this chapter and 2 more among my files today and thought, eh, what the heck, put this up. It's not finished yet, and I am not sure when it will be (or how for that matter), but at least it's being updated after forever. I hope you enjoy and let me know what you think.

* * *

Later that evening, the Odyssey beamed both SG-1 teams to the bridge. "Welcome back, SG-1," the Colonel in charge greeted them.

"Thank you, sir," Mitchell responded.

"Colonel O'Neill, as soon as we make it to the Gairus system, we can send you and your team home. The trip'll take about two days. Feel free to roam around. When you're ready to turn in, just ask for your keycards."

The older SG-1 nodded their thanks. Jack turned to Mitchell. "And what about you?"

"Oh, we'll be off gallivanting somewhere soon enough. The Gairus system happens to be on our way. We'll see you guys later." The younger Colonel motioned for his team to follow him to the briefing room.

"Well, time to wander…"

00000000000000

And wander they did. Unfortunately, they were restricted from entering the more interesting sections of the ship. That left the infirmary, commissary, and gym. No one felt like visiting the infirmary. So they hung out, completely bored, in the commissary for hours. It was about 2300 hours when Jack, Sam, Teal'c, and Daniel decided to find their quarters.

They arrived on the bridge to get their keycards and some directions. The room was abuzz with some emergency. People ran back and forth between consoles like worker bees in the hive. Teal'c managed to get the attention of a less distracted fellow sitting at a console.

"Keycards? Right…" he hurriedly accessed the ship's manifest on his screen. One by one, keycards slipped out of the unit. He handed one to each of them. "Colonel O'Neill, Major Carter, your quarters are on Level 18, Section B. Teal'c, Level 27, Section G. Dr. Jackson, looks like you're on Level 34, Section A. Have a good night." With all the excitement going on, the four exited the bridge quickly so they could get out of the crew's hair.

They said their goodbyes and separated. Daniel walked down the lonely corridor on Level 34 to his room. The hall lights were dimmed to simulate nighttime. Hands in his pockets and head down, he contemplated the events of the past few days. He couldn't get her out of his mind. That woman was completely insane, and it was as if his future self was oblivious to it. Actually, it was more like he accepted it. But how?

Daniel had seen her beat someone up, threaten someone, scare base personnel, and… hold his hand? It was all too contradictory. Where would he ever find such a fruitcake? He found the door to his quarters and slipped the keycard through the reader. He yawned as the door opened.

Stepping forward, his eyes were bathed in pitch blackness as the door closed. Daniel could just barely make out the form of a bed in front of him. He stripped down to his boxers and slipped in. It was surprisingly warm, but the archaeologist was too tired to wonder why.

Minutes later, something moaned. It was distinctively female. Daniel's eyes shot open. He realized there was someone next to him. The person shifted her weight and turned toward him. Still in shock, he froze. Her leg trapped one of his. Her hand slithered across his bare chest. And her mouth breathed hot air onto his neck. Part of his body unwillingly responded.

"Uhhhh… excuse me." He didn't know what else to say.

A husky female voice answered back, "You're excused, Darling." She shifted more and moved on top of him. She kissed his neck, from ear to shoulder.

"Ummmm…" The second her hand reached down below, Daniel let out a yelp and pushed her off of him. He had an idea of who it was and did not want to go there. The bedside lamp flicked on.

There she was on all fours, clad in a red lacy number and breathing heavily. For him.

"Vala? What are you doing in my room?!?"

"Oh it's your room, now?" she spoke seductively. She crawled toward him on the bed. "Well, if you want to play that game…"

The door opened. Light from the hall flooded the room. It also revealed the _other_ Daniel Jackson in the doorway. "What the…"

Vala smiled. "Well this is a treat!"

The older Daniel quickly shut the door. "Vala, that's not me."

"Of course not. He's him and you're you."

"No." The older Daniel moved to the bed and caught her face in his hands. He attacked her mouth with a hot kiss. "I mean that's not your Daniel."

She got over her momentary bliss. "Oh." Vala turned toward the younger Jackson. "So what are you doing in here, then?"

"What? This is my room. I could ask you the same damn thing!"

"Actually, it's our room. Mine and Vala's," his counterpart said calmly.

The younger Daniel scrunched his face and looked around. He didn't recognize any of the personal belongings littering the shelves and tabletops. If this really were his room, then it should be devoid of such things. "Oh crap."

His older self gave him an awkward smile. Turning to his wife, he said, "Maybe you should cover up."

"What for? It's only you," she said with a playful smile.

"Vala."

"Just kidding. Excuse me." She made a show of getting up very slowly, then sauntering over to the washroom to find a robe. Both Daniels watched her go, one with interest, the other, well, with more interest. Hard to say which was which.

Finally, they turned to each other. The older Daniel spoke first. "I think the bridge made a mistake. They tried to send me to the wrong quarters."

"Obviously there was a mix-up."

"Yeah, this is the level for married couples. Your quarters are two levels down."

The younger Daniel swallowed the lump in his throat. "Married? You married _her_?"

His counterpart smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "Yup, best three years of my life."

Vala came up behind him, now fully covered. She wrapped her arms around his chest. "And certainly the most exciting," she said with a hint of innuendo. The older Daniel grinned like a fool.

"Uhhh, I guess I should be going. Sorry?"

"No problem. Here's your keycard. Hopefully you'll find the right room this time."


	8. Chapter 8

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

* * *

The morning after…

"He's just so cute, Daniel."

"Vala, that's me you're talking about."

"I know." She brought a finger to her chin in thought. She used her other hand to stir around the mush that the cook called cereal.

Her husband knew that look. That look meant she was thinking. While Vala thinking was not necessarily bad, this particular kind of look was ominous. "Do I even want to ask?"

"Well, it's just…" An evil grin graced her features. "His memory is going to be erased, right?"

"Yeah," Daniel answered suspiciously.

"And _you_ don't remember any of this, right?"

"No." He scrunched up his face, suddenly realizing where this might be going. "Vala…" he warned.

"Would you mind if I… you know… with him?"

"What!?" Some people in line for food stared in their direction.

"Well, I almost did. What would you think if something really did happen last night?"

"I would… uhh, I would…" he stammered, not sure what to say.

"Would you be jealous, Darling?"

"No. I mean, yes. Wait! No! That's me."

"You don't sound too sure."

"Vala."

"What? I'm just asking for hypothetical reasons. If you don't want me to put the moves on you, then I won't."

"No, I don't want you to put the moves on me, so don't." He followed with a smug smile of confidence that Vala countered with a calculating grin. Her smile outsparkled his easily. Daniel's face dropped into his hands. "Oh shit." Lost again. Damn Vala and her talent for manipulating words. He'd have to work for _it_ tonight.

Vala patted him on the head and stood up. She picked up her tray and headed to the trash can. Not more than a few feet away, the original SG-1 walked through the doorway of the commissary. She noticed this immediately, and so did her husband. Daniel watched as she approached the team.

He made the move to stand up, but Mitchell pushed him back down. "Just wait," he said as he set down his tray, "I wanna watch. This could be fun."

Daniel scowled at his friend. "How is watching Vala torture my former self fun?"

Mitchell gave him a look. "Do you honestly want me to answer that question?"

He blinked. "Nevermind. It was rhetorical."

"Right." They turned their attention back to the space pirate.

"I hope you all were comfortable last night," Vala said with a wink in the younger Daniel's direction. He turned beet red and looked away.

"Yup, slept like a baby," O'Neill replied. He didn't miss the exchange between Daniel and Vala. "You, Carter?"

"Slept great, thanks."

"T?"

"I rested quite well, thank you."

"Daaaaaaaaniel?" he stretched out his name.

"Wha.. huh? Oh, yeah yeah. Just fine." He tried to fake a smile. Sam and Teal'c made their way to the line.

Vala put on a look of concern. "Are you sure? You seem… tense." She took a step forward. He took one back.

"Uhhh, no no, I was fine." He could barely stand her instense stare. Jack simply stood there, observing.

The older Daniel slapped his forehead. "Of course, Jack has to hang around and get all the details." Mitchell smirked in response.

Vala lifted her hand to his forehead. "You're a little hot, Daniel. Can I get you anything?"

_A nice cold shower._ "Nope, I'm good, thanks."

"Hmm. I'm sure you are," she said, lacing her words with innuendo. Jack stifled a laugh as Daniel turned even redder than an apple.

"You know," he cut her off loudly before she could add anything else, "I'm not that hungry. I'll, uh, go hit the gym for a little bit." He did a 180 and briskly walked away.

"Suit yourself," Jack called to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Daniel break into a run once he was out of Vala's sight. Turning back to Vala, he shrugged. She smiled innocently in return.

In the background, Mitchell laughed his ass off.

* * *

"Where is Daniel?" Sam wondered. She placed a few chips in the middle of the table.

Teal'c looked up from his cards. "He has been missing for quite some time. Perhaps he has fallen ill."

"Yeah, maybe," Jack said with a fake look of concern. "We should go find him." He set down his cards and stood up. "Let's start with the gym."

They found him there, three hours after he had run out of the commissary. He was still red as a beet, but more from working out than from embarrassment. Daniel was huffing and puffing as he rode an exercise bike at high speed. He seemed distracted.

Sam moved closer and called to him. "Daniel?"

The sound of a female voice startled him. He nearly fell off the bike. After righting himself, he reached for his glasses on the bike's console. He looked up at Sam. "Oh, Sam. Hey."

"DanielJackson, have you been here all this time?"

"Yeah I have."

"A bit much, don't you think?" Jack looked around to find the place nearly empty.

"Indeed. Humans should restrict their exercise to three times a week, less than an hour per day."

"Well, Teal'c, I'm just making up for lost time."

"Bull." Jack's eyes went wide. "Did I say that out loud?"

"Jack," he said with a warning tone. Daniel cleared his throat. "I'm just gonna finish up here if you don't mind."

His friend smiled. "Uh huh."

"Perhaps I will exercise as well. It would seem to be an excellent way to pass the time."

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea, Teal'c," Sam agreed. They left to go change.

Jack grinned at Daniel, who was resetting the control panel on his bike. The archaeologist could feel his mischevious eyes boring holes into him. The tension finally got to him. "What!"

"Oooh, a little tense, are we?"

"No, I am not tense. Aren't you going to exercise, too?"

"Maybe. Maybe I'll use one of these bikes here."

"But Jack, your knees."

"My knees could use a little exercise."

Daniel scowled in suspicion. "Why don't I believe you?"

"Daniel, would I lie to you?"

"Yes."

Jack paused. "Okay, then, since that's settled."

"What do you want, Jack?"

"Nothing." They stared each other down for the next few moments. Finally, Jack broke the silence. "You've got the hots for her, don't you?"

Daniel's eyes went wide momentarily. He quickly regained control and replied calmly, "I don't know what you mean."

"Now who's the liar?"

"Jack."

"She's got you all wound up, doesn't she? Can't say I blame you; she is pretty hot. And I mean H-O…"

"Sir?"

"Carter!" Jack jumped. "Ready to kick some punching-bag ass?"

Teal'c raised his eyebrow. Sam gave him a strange look. "Uhh, sure."

Daniel pointed to the other side of the gym. "They're over there." Jack high-tailed it over to the corner as Sam followed.

Teal'c clasped his hands behind his back and turned to Daniel. "Of what was O'Neill speaking of when we arrived?"

Daniel smirked. "He's got the hots for Vala."


	9. Chapter 9

**Title**: The Future is Nuts!

* * *

The shower was cold. Freezing cold. But that's what it took to get Daniel's mind off _her_. Prior to this, the image of her in tiny red panties and a barely-there bra plagued his mind. So that's what he had to look forward to in the future. _She may be nuts, but Jack is right. She's hot,_ he'd think.

He shut off the water and toweled himself off. Only one more day of torture and it would all be over. By tomorrow, he would forget everything that had happened. Especially those embarrasing moments between him and Vala. He wondered what his future self thought about all this. Now fully clothed, he decided to go find some food. He was starving.

The commissary was just beginning to fill up as lunchtime was starting. Daniel got in line and loaded a tray with food. Mitchell happened to get in line behind him. "Hey, Jackson! Finally getting some grub, I see."

"Yeah."

"Mind if I sit with you?"

Daniel smiled. "No, not at all." They occupied a smaller table by the window. Swirls of white and blue passed them by through the thick glass. "So you said you were going somewhere as well?"

"Yup. Got a date with some baddies and some space corn."

"Space corn?"

"Potent stuff. One bite and you've sold your soul to the devil."

"So I take it we don't like space corn."

"We don't like space corn."

"Ahh," Daniel confirmed, slightly confused. He bit into his sandwish greedily, hunger overtaking his confusion. They were silent for a few more minutes.

"So what do you think of Vala?" Mitchell asked.

Daniel was surprised by the directness of his question. "Well," he hesitated. "She seems… nice."

Mitchell raised his eyebrow in Jaffa fashion. "Just nice?"

"I mean I haven't had a chance to really interact with her. She seems like a very busy person to me."

"Interact, huh?" Cameron adopted a neutral face.

"Yep." Daniel took another bite.

"You do know that I know, don't you?"

Mouth still full, he looked up. "Know what?" he said, the words muffled by food.

"That you accidentally jumped into bed with her."

Daniel nearly spit out his sandwich. "What? How?"

"Simple. I'm one of her best buds. She tells me everything. Well… almost everything. There's certain things between her and her husband that I want no details of, but otherwise, yeah, everything."

"So she told you?"

"Every juicy…"

An explosion rocked the ship. People screamed and food went flying. Mitchell turned toward the window and swore. They had dropped out of hyperspace and were being attacked by Hatak vessels. One of them fired a shot that headed straight for the commissary window. Luckily the beam was absorbed by the shield, but not before its force sent Mitchell and Daniel to the floor. Cameron helped him up. "Come on, we should get to the bridge!"

They met up with others on the team and arrived on the bridge. Jack was already there. He turned toward them as they entered. "Who the hell is the Lucian Alliance and why are they shooting at us?"

"Space corn," Mitchell replied. He ignored Jack's confused demand for answers and sat in the empty command chair. The Colonel normally in charge was unconscious on the floor. Burns marred his face. A few other bridge personnel were injured from mini-explosions set off by the attack. "Status!"

The control officer next to him answered, "Five Hatak vessels are attacking. Netan is demanding surrender, sir."

"Surrender, my ass. Give 'em everything we've got!"

"Yes, sir!"

"What's the status of the hyperdrive?"

Vala moved around the command chair and sat in an empty seat next to Mitchell. Its former occupant also lay on the floor. "Non-existant."

"Vala, go work your magic."

"Right!" She got up and ran off to the engine room.

A few more minutes of battle ensued. "Sir, I hate to be negative but…" the control officer started. Another explosion rocked the bridge. "We're getting our asses kicked!"

"Vala! Where's my hyperdrive!?" Mitchell demanded through the comm.

Laden with static, her voice answered, "The crystals are fried! I'm trying to put in the back-ups!"

"Hurry it up, would you!"

"Sir, receiving transmission!" Netan's smug face popped up on a screen. Mitchell turned and met his sneer with disgust.

"My dear Colonel Mitchell. I was hoping you would be on board," he said with a fake tone of friendliness. "My what a surprise."

"The only surprise here is that you would dare to attack an Earth ship."

Netan ignored his comment and got straight to the point. "Surrender and I will spare your pathetic little ship." Mitchell continued to exchange some choice words with Netan.

Vala appeared on the bridge. Her husband turned to see her nod negatively about the hyperdrive. She motioned for all of them to follow her into the elevator. Members of both SG-1s heeded her command, leaving Mitchell to deal with Netan. Once in the elevator, she explained herself. "We have got to get out of here. The hyperdrive is shot and we cannot allow the old SG-1 to be captured."

"She's right. It would be very, very bad," her husband agreed.

Sam knew all too well the consequences of getting killed now. The timeline would change dramatically. "So what do we do?"

"There's an old cargo ship in the bay that we can use. Mitchell just needs to distract Netan long enough for us to get away and jump into hyperspace," Vala answered.

Jack interjected, "How are we supposed to tell Mitchell if he's too busy having his war of words?"

"Jack, he already knows. We planned this escape just in case something like this were to happen," Daniel explained. The elevator doors opened. The teams followed Vala down a long corridor and into the bay. A rusty looking cargo ship awaited them.

"We're going to escape in that?" Sam asked skeptically.

"Yup," Daniel said as he helped her in.


End file.
